My dad

My emotions are running high right now and I am not sure how I am going to get through this post. For prosperity's sake I really want to write this. On Sunday November 4th I woke up to phone call from my mom. She told me that my dad was in the hospital fighting an infection in his blood. I had received MANY calls like this over the past few years. My dad has been so so brave. Fighting multiple forms of cancer and other various diseases for years. I remember looking at phone and saying it's November 4th, I don't ever want to have to remember this date. My dad was a fighter, he always pulled through and I wanted so bad for him to pull through that day too. I gathered clothes and various things for Skyler, I and the kids to go stay at my parents for a few days so I could be there with my dad while he was in the hospital. We left town as soon as we possibly could to make the hour drive to Brentwood to see my dad. Not even 15 minutes into the drive I got another call from my mom. The doctor had just spoken to my mom and things were MUCH worse than she had originally thought. She told me that the doctor said my dad was not going to make it. I knew my dad was sick but hearing those words was not something I could of ever prepared myself for. I begged her to keep my dad alive so I could see him. I HAD to talk to him, hold him and be there for him. That drive to the hospital was torture. I was screaming and crying uncontrollably, I felt like I was crawling and would never get there. Finally I arrived, I was met in the hall by my aunt and uncle and led into a room where my dad laid in a hospital bed surrounded by his parents, his children, his siblings and friends. I held his hands as gently as I could a told him more times than anyone could ever count how much I love him. How perfect of a dad he was to me. Saying goodbye to my dad was something I was not ready to do. I kept asking if there was any way. How could we save him. At that point I would have given my own life for him. My dad is my BEST friend and I could not picture my life without him. A few hours passed quickly and the decision was made by my grandparents to take my dad off of life support. I held him as we watched his heart rate go down by the minute. After about 15 minutes his heart rate was 10 and my mom decided that we needed to sing to him. We started to sing "families can be together forever" and his heart rate went up to 30. My heart was so full as I held his hand watching tears come down his cheeks. He heard us and I knew he did. When we sang the last note of the song I looked up at the monitor and his heart was no longer beating. I looked at the doctor, he nodded at me and I knew. I collapsed. My dad was gone and my heart was shattered. The sadness was like nothing else in this world, I felt no other emotion but pure sadness. I spent the next hour and a half holding his hand, kissing his cheeks, and hugging him as tightly as I could. This was the first time in years that I could hug my dad tight and not have it cause him pain. At that moment my dad looked perfect to me. As everyone started to leave I struggled with the thought of leaving him. It took me a long time to leave that room. I watched every single person leave as I held him. Finally I was told that I needed to go, I asked my dad to come with me in spirit and gave him one last kiss. The next few days were a blur. Filled with funeral planning, friends, family and lots of tears. Thursday November 8th we held funeral services for my dad. This was hard. Much harder than I had imagined. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people in my dad's life that stepped up and spoke such kind words about my dad. My dad was remembered as the wonderful man he was. He was quick witted and VERY funny. He had a kind heart and loved so many things on this earth. He was the king of trivia and owned almost every CD and DVD ever printed. He was devoted to his family, working 20 years as a dentist and after retiring due to his declining health went back to school to earn his credential to teach science at the high school. My dad accomplished so many great things in his 54 years of life and it was amazing to hear so many memories of him. The church was packed. As packed as a church could be, hundreds upon hundreds of people there because they loved my dad. I was at a loss of words and beyond grateful. I am so blessed to of been my daddy's little girl and that I was able to spend 24 years with him. I know that there is so much more I could say, and so much that I am leaving out but I can not type through my tears anymore. I love my dad. He is my best friend and always will be. I know he is watching down on me. I know he is still my biggest supporter. I am now just trying to remember how to live life. How to be happy again without my dad. I can not wait for the day that I get to be with my dad again. Until then I will live my life to make him proud. I will raise my kids with the memory of my dad. They both LOVE their "papa" and I will never let them forget about him. 

I love you so much. I was not ready for you to go, but thinking of your body as whole and healthy brings my heart peace. I know you are happy right now. I also know that if I could wrap my head around how amazing heaven is that I would be happy, because you truly are in a much better place. I am so thankful that families can be together forever and I will see you again. 

The beautiful program 

 The display table 

My dad's parents, my wonderful grandparents

 My sister 

The pallbearers: My dad's brothers Eric&Glenn, My dad's brother in law Mark, His friend Barry, His three sons Mitchell, Jeffrey and Scotty and his son in law Skyler.

My grandparents 

My mom and 4 of her 5 kids. 

I didn't say goodbye because I will see my dad again. Instead I told him how excited I am to see him again one day.